


Until Then

by DreamASillyDream



Category: The 100
Genre: F/F, G!P
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:25:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamASillyDream/pseuds/DreamASillyDream
Summary: Clarke can't stand to see them together, but know this. One day Lexa would be her's.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: graphic descriptions of violence. Do not read if you are uncomfortable with vivid descriptions of blood and gore.

The newest instagram post stared Clarke in the face, burning a mental imprint into her brain. 

The two women in the photo's smiles elicited the opposite reaction within the blonde. She felt nauseous. The crinkles around their eyes signifying their happiness evoked a gnawing feeling in her chest. 

That she be me. Repeated like a vindictive mantra in her head.

It wasn't fair, her inner voice shouted at the screen. Why did everyone else seem to reap the fruits they so deeply craved. Why was it always she who got to watch others thrive as her own garden shriveled and crumbled into unwanted crisps on the dirt.

Clarke had tried to capture the gorgeous brunette on her screen's attention, but the leggy women only had eyes for one. One who wasn't Clarke. One who would never be Clarke. 

Her friends had encouraged her not to be so negative. They said good things come to those who wait. If you think good things, then good things will happen to you. But they didn't. Lexa still linked hands with the other woman every day. The other woman who would never be Clarke.

When Clarke told her friends this, they said "She isn't the one for you." But if she's the one Clarke wants, if Clarke worked her ass off every day to become a better person, a person who deserved Lexa's love, then why wasn't that enough?

"You can't force someone to love you." No, but you can become what they love and in turn they will love you. You can dye your hair the same color as Costia's. Pin it up in the same fashion as hers. You can button your shirt in a similar way she does. You can wear the same brand of scandals Lexa bought for her. You can mirror the way she moves her hands. You can adjust your shoulders the same way she does with her head held high.

But none of it was enough. Lexa still looked at her as if she wasn't there. A smile flashed out of politeness. A nod over a cell phone screen directed more at the shapeless air next to Clarke than at her. The brunette's full attention directed at a woman who wasn't even in the room, but whose presence could be felt through Lexa's blue illuminated phone screen.

And now, staring at the two women together through her own phone screen, Clarke felt disgust. She didn't know why she opened the app and then purposely entered Lexa's username into the blank search bar. She didn't know why she didn't take the two seconds she had as the page loaded, to exit the app and be confronted with her plain white wallpaper instead.

No. That was a lie. She knew why. She wanted to feel this. The nausea. The disgust. The hurt. In a pitiful way she felt as though she deserved this. She couldn't be what Lexa wanted and now she had to suffer for it. The smiles on the two women's faces was her punishment. 

The pain fed a wrath inside of her she tried to ignore. If anyone knew the thoughts that flowed through her mind in moments like this they'd strap a straitjacket around her faster than she could commit any of the crimes.

Faster than the knife would slit through Costia's skin. From one ear to the other lining up perfectly with the corners of her mouth. A thin red line elongating the smile permanently spread across her lips in the photo. With that she would always been smiling. A perfect match for how Clarke decided the other woman should feel with the brunette wrapped in her arms. With Lexa by her side why should she ever need to frown again?

Clarke imagined dragging the knife a few inches lower. After engraving the grin she would draw a vertical line straight down the woman's throat. Not too hard. The blonde wouldn't want her bleeding out, no.

No.

Not yet.

Just hard enough to coax a little of the red liquid in her veins out. Maybe she wouldn't use a knife for this. Possibly a razor. A razor would be easier to control and sharp enough to get the job done.

With the razor Clarke would cut her top off. She'd leave her bra on, of course. Clarke would never want to embarrass her in that way. She would preserve her modesty.

Once the fabric fell away from the other woman's pale skin she would take the razor and dig in. Slice everywhere and anywhere. Blood would trickle down her arms, across her chest, pool in her belly button. Clarke wouldn't leave an inch of her upper body untouched. The death of 1000 cuts is what she once heard this was called. This was the fate Costia deserved.

Not long walks through the summer breeze with Lexa. Not gazing into her green eyes whispering sweet nothings to her as the warm light of a candle beat across their faces. No. This was what Costia should have to face.

And then.

And then once she was gone. When her skin had rotted and only her bones were left in a wooden box six feet underground. Then clarke would work her way back into Lexa's life. She'd entangle herself into every aspect of the brunette's healing. Care for her. Nurture her back to happiness. Lexa would love her then. She would have too. Clarke would be her rock and Lexa would be her's. They would depend on one another from then on until forever. 

When Lexa would look her in the eyes it wouldn't be a passing flicker as she looks for a better, more interesting object to fill her gaze. No, it would be with the same passion she currently reserved for Costia. The soft gooey eyed look that filled Clarke with a burning rage when she'd see it directed at anyone but herself. The rage lit so intensely inside of her that she swore she can feel it bubbling through her skin. Her muscles tensing in distain.

Clarke shook her head. She closed the app and clicked the white button on the top of the rectangular phone. The screen faded to black and Clarke could see her reflection staring back at her. She quickly looked away from the sight.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and leaned back on her couch. Sinking into the object in an attempt to become one with it. 

Her thoughts. She knew they were wrong. Knew they weren't realistic. She would never hurt Costia, let alone Lexa, physically or emotionally. Still, the sinister ideas invaded her thoughts and thrust themselves to the forefront of her mind whenever she saw the two lovebirds together. 

Her friend's voice broke through the loud rumblings in her head. 

"They won't be together forever." she remembered Raven saying. They could though. They could get married, and have a million babies, but Clarke would be waiting.

If Costia did wrong, took one misstep Clarke would be on her heels to watch her fall and slide into her empty place. Until then...

Clarke opened her eyes.

Until then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. This was intended to be a oneshot, but after some brainstorming I may end up continuing if people are interested.


	2. Scream

She wanted to scream. She could feel the sound in the back of her throat. Clawing up her spine, demanding release into the outside world. 

The tenant in the apartment upstairs was awake. Clarke was used to hearing him walking around during the day and in the evening. This was different. It was 1 am on a Monday. Whatever was plaguing the man had now extended itself upon Clarke as she grinded her teeth in an effort to not shout at him through the ceiling.

Did he not know she was troubled herself? Her own problems swirling through her meticulously dyed red head. It was a fresh dye job. Costia's newest instagram update showed her with a head full of red hair that would make the Little Mermaid jealous. The Little Mermaid and Clarke. 

Clarke had run her fingers through her own blonde hair and growled. She frequently received compliments for her luscious blonde locks, but staring at the new hairstyle on her screen Clarke knew a change was in order. It took three hours and trips to six different stores before she found a matching shade. After such an eventful night the new redhead was exhausted. 

But this tenant. He wouldn't. Stop. Walking.

She ripped her front door open, walking frantically to his own door. She knocked three times. No one answered. She knocked again. 

The nerve of this man. Walking all night and now pretending to be sleeping? 

Just as she felt the scream reach the tip of her tongue the wooden door crept open.

A small man wearing thick framed glasses, glasses Clarke was sure went out of style in the 70s, peaked his head out.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

If Clarke was questioned about the events that took place next she would be lying if she claimed she remembered. All she knew was that she saw black and then she saw red. Red everywhere. Red on the floor. Red on the walls. Red on her hands.

No.....

She ran back to her apartment and bolted every lock. She sank to the ground and clasped her hands. Her hands were covered in blood. A nameless man's blood.

The crimson liquid ran down her fingers and embedded itself into her cuticles. Images flashed through Clarke's mind. 

She pushed past him. She pointed at his floor. At the ceiling of her home. She told him she couldn't sleep. Not with him walking. Back and forth. Back and forth. She could hear him. Could hear every pitter patter of his oversized feet. Every groan in the floorboard drove into her ears like a jackhammer into the pavement. 

Her ears were bleeding. And now his would too. She grabbed the plastic fork resting next to his TV dinner. With a punch he hadn't been expecting she knocked him to the ground. He fought. He shoved her, but her anger fueled her. She punched him and punched him and punched him from her position on top of him. His head doubled back and slammed into the floor with every hit. Clarke was sure if she was downstairs she would hear these thumps too. 

She took the fork laying next to them. She told him how selfish he was. How rude it was of him to not think of her, sleeping downstairs beneath his feet. How could she sleep with him STOMPING around up here. Were the thuds of his head against the ground loud enough for him to hear as well? Did he get it now? No? 

He still wasn't listening to her. He begged her to stop. He told her his bank pin. 

And then he begged for his mom as she took the plastic fork and shoved one of the points into his ear. She twisted it. She turned it. She pushed it deeper and deeper until it couldn't fit any more. Then she left him. Red water funneled down the length of the fork and onto the floor. Clarke looked at the walls streaked with thin crimson lines, blood patterns from when she slammed his head repeatedly onto the ground. 

Clarke shook her head, her red hair falling into her face. Red. Everything was red. There was too much red. 

At least now she was safe back in her apartment. At least now the noise had stopped.

She walked slowly to her bathroom, dragging her feet in the process. She had to get rid of the red. She flipped the light on, her reflection catching her off guard. For a second she thought she saw Costia staring back at her. She smiled. 

She reached to turn on the faucet before pausing. It was gone. The red was gone. There was no blood on her hands. She looked back at the mirror. No speckles on her face. No stains on her shirt. She walked to her living room. Her bloody shoes were now a perfect snow white. 

An unwelcome silence filled the room as Clarke held her breath. A footstep broke the self inflicted tension. Followed by another, then another. The man upstairs was walking back and forth. 

A panic like Clarke had never felt engulfed her. A scream clawed at the back of her throat begging for release into the outside world.

She let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as dark as the last chapter. Just wanted to give a deeper look at Clarke's reality. If you guys are still reading, Lexa will be making her first non-instagram appearance in the next chapter.


End file.
